Why do I travel alone?

I travel alone because my mind and heart have been stretched to a new dimension that it’s impossible to go back to the way I was before. I travel alone because it fills me like nothing else in this world can.

What makes a person decide to want to travel across the world alone? To leave everything behind and through all caution to the wind and say, “okay world, I’m ready!” For me, I was coming out of a serious and extremely messy relationship that left me devastated and broken. I was looking for an escape, a way to get away from my pain and find a way to heal myself before it was too late. So I decided to go to Africa.

Lol, I know. Africa.

I couldn’t have just decided to move to Utah for the summer or practically any other place that wasn’t considered one of the most dangerous places and scariest places closer than the opposite side of the world? Nope. I’m difficult. So I decided that come hell or high water, I was going to Africa and nothing was going to stop me. I was driven by a motivation that I was not going to sit around and be sad all summer and I was going to do something with my life. At this point in my life I was in my junior year of college and also looking for a Communications internship so I could graduate with a degree in Public Relations. I signed up to go to Mozambique with a missionary internship from my university for 9weeks from May to July, while still looking for a communications internship. Then boom. I thought of it. I considered myself a genius. Since I would be flying back to London from Mozambique on my way home, way didn’t I just try and find an internship in Europe for a month?! To this day I still consider this one of my greatest ideas and best decisions of my life. So before the week was out I found a Public Relations internship for 5 weeks on a Greek Island, the internet is amazing. It just so happened that the internship started three days after I was suppose to return to Europe and nothing could’ve been more perfect. So in those three days in between, I decided I’d head to Rome! I still believe that this was God working in my life at the time, how it all fit together and worked out so smoothly was done by a much bigger planner than I could’ve done myself.

I applied for the internship in Greece and was accepted again within that same week I decided to head down to Mozambique. It was happening so fast and I was getting so excited I was spun into a whirlwind. And then I forgot one tiny little detail… I hadn’t told my mom about any of this.

I remember the conversation clearly still, I called and said, “hey mom!” She immediately said, “what did you do?” because somehow moms always know.

I said, “So I’ve decided to go to Africa.”

She said, “Okay, no you’re not.”

I said, “And I’m also going to Greece right after.”

She said, “Okay, no you’re not.”

I said, “It’s already done, I’ve signed up and paid for it.”

That was the start of a conversation daily for months until I left, but I had to go.

For me there was no other option at the time. My family and friends thought that I just wanted to explore and goof off around the world because it sounded fun and exciting. Yet for me as much as I did want those things, it was something else entirely, it was’t just that I wanted to go, I had to go because if I didn’t I don’t think I would’ve survived much longer. Now not to sound dramatic or scary, but I was in such a dark place in my life that I was barely clinging to life physically, mentally and emotionally. I was in such a dark hole that for months, I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn’t even recognize the face staring back at me.

The idea of travel is what saved me. The excitement of something new. Something fresh, something that made me place my focus outside of my brain into my surroundings instead of my depression. Forcing myself to see the world differently in a way that only travel experiences can. Being active in the decisions of my life and sparking my creativity. Shaping my heart and soul into something brand new and open. The hope of what tomorrow could bring.

For me, traveling alone wasn’t just something I thought would be fun to try out, it was a way out of the darkness that had been suffocating me in order to discover who I truly was and could become. People always ask me if I was scared to travel alone, and it wasn’t until the first person had asked me that did I realize it hadn’t even occurred to me to be scared. I realized that what scared me the most was remaining in the life I had at home. I had more to lose staying there than I ever did stepping out into the unknown. I traveled alone to heal and allow myself to grow.

This was my first adventure, since then I have explored many more countries and places on my own for many different reasons all based on from what I learned about myself from that summer. Traveling has become the best therapy possible for me, it allows me to look outside myself and see how big and incredible the world really is and that in the grand scheme of things our problems really aren’t as important as we think they are when we are trapped in our own personal bubble of reality. It has allowed me to recreate myself into someone I can be proud of. It’s allowed me to make friendships across the world with beautiful souls I otherwise would’ve lived my entire life without knowing. Traveling alone has given me perspective, creativity, courage, confidence, joy, wonder, a deeper faith in what I believe to be true, and has opened my eyes in ways I never knew were even possible. I’ve never felt lonely because I became comfortable with my own mind.

I travel alone because my mind and heart have been stretched to a new dimension that it’s impossible to go back to the way I was before. I travel alone because it fills me like nothing else in this world can.